ACCEPT Help, Do Not EXPECT Help
Utilizing the RIGHT Resources to Fuel your Development
“Everyone wants to see you do well, but never better than them.”
Is this the right advice from a man who spends his life working to empower others? I believe it is; if viewed from the appropriate perspective. As I noted in earlier blogs, there will be many along the way that offer to help, most with the purest intentions. However, it is important to remember that these people do not have your vision and therefore can’t be expected to understand the gravity of your goals. Very simply, their version of “support” may be very different from what you need.
If I told you to paint a giant house and provided you with all the appropriate materials, you could absolutely get the job done.
When you arrive at the house you notice it is HUGE, and immediately say to yourself, “this is going to take forever.” The fear and anxiety immediately stands in the way of the “work”. Instead of STARTING, you begin to think about those that will help. So you call them, and a few show up. One shows up with a hammer, one with a screwdriver, and one with a drill. Their intentions are good, their vision clearly is not aligned with yours. The example here is exaggerated but I hope the point sinks in. It is not about identifying “your people” to help; it is about identifying the “right people” to help. It is also about understanding that sometimes you may have to paint the house all by yourself. Oh by the way, after you paint every inch of that house, the house is yours to keep. Does that change your approach to “calling for help?”
As you do the daily work in pursuit of your personal development, take an honest look at what it will take to get there. This preparation should be done early and often so you can attempt to secure resources that align with your goal. In this blog I’ll share some strategies for accessing the right people, places, and things to help you along the way. Note: Prepare for the very real possibility they will NOT be available, and trust that you can get it done without them.
If you take NOTHING else from this blog, know this. If you need help, and we all do; you will have to ASK FOR IT!!!!!!
What do you REALLY need? As you look at your plan for growth and the specificity of your goal, start by checking all the boxes that you are confident you can get done. Oftentimes we identify people to help for the wrong reasons. We feel like their presence alone will help us move in a positive direction. This is not always the case. The 3 people that showed up to help you paint the house were no help at all. By identifying what you can do alone, you are able to invest your time, attention, and energy on doing the work. People can certainly help speed us up, just keep in mind the reverse is also true. Take a look at your plan, and Start. By. Starting. On your own. You can do far more than you think, by thinking less and working more.
Test the Waters: Identify 5 people in your life that you choose to share your purpose/plan with. You can choose these people for any reasons that you like. Don’t spend too much time thinking about it for now, just write down the 5 people you truly believe will be most interested in hearing about your goals. After sharing your goals with these folks; in person, not by phone or text; honestly assess their responses. Did anyone offer to help? Did they mention how they’d like to do so? Did they ask you about your plan? Did they ask for your permission before giving you advice? You Should not be surprised to find that all 5 of these people will probably be very excited for you. After all, they are the first 5 you thought of to share this very important information with. What you may be surprised to learn is that most if not all of them cannot do much more than “support” you in a way that is most comfortable for them. If you refer back to previous readings, the bell that should be ringing sounds like this: “They will never understand your goals because they do not have your vision.”
Choose EXPERTISE over EMOTION: When embarking on new goals and the redefining of your purpose; be humble enough to recognize there are people who have done similar things in the past. You may not know them personally, and they probably have no clue who you are either. Trust that they are out there; and trust in your ability to find them. I have always been amazed at people’s willingness to help when they recognize how driven I am to step outside my comfort zone and learn something new. When an expert in any field recognizes someone shares their passion and excitement to learn; more often than not, they are willing to teach. These are the people you should be looking for. These are the folks that will add VALUE. These are the ones that share your VISION. How do you find them?
Send 10 a WEEK: When I started my career as a speaker, coach, and counselor I knew that very few people would be willing to seek out, let alone pay a young guy to come change the culture of their teams, schools, or businesses. I had to find them, and I had to be willing to do much of my work without pay for much of my early career. You can do the same as you pursue your purpose/goals. Create a list of people that you research in the field that are aligned with your goals. Once you’ve found them; reach out to them. How? I realized very quickly for every 10 emails I sent to a company, school or team, I would usually get 1-2 back. Of those 1-2 responses, I would get 0-1 speaking gigs or a new client. Much of that work was for free. The “compensation” for me however, was immeasurable because I was inching closer and closer to my goal. Get Brave. Step into the Arena. Connect with people that are doing what you WANT to be doing, not people that are doing what you ARE doing now.
Be a Sponge: Support will not always show up dressed in a 3 piece suit with unlimited time to give towards your goals/purpose. However, part of each day should be devoted to your goals, even when no one is there to help. Our world has become extremely small and technology allows us to access information that generations before us only dreamed possible. You have already identified your purpose and your goals are in line with that purpose. Take the time, each day, to learn something new. Knowledge is indeed power, in most cases costs nothing, except for an investment in the most precious resource alive, YOU.
Stay Humble and Continuously Engage: Many of you can point to moments that have changed your life. It is only because you were completely present in those moments and chose to engage with a person, event, or situation that your life was changed. Support and development can be hidden in places we take for granted. Every encounter is a chance to learn, and share your purpose with others. Having a “beginners mindset” will help you unlock doors those arrogant bastards could never get through. Remain humble, eager to learn, and brave in your pursuit of greatness.
Resources for Support
